candles, wine , a juicey medi fest and good friends...

It's been awhile since I've last posted. This is a tough blog to write and put out there. I don't know what I was thinking at first. The last few weeks in the hotel were weird and fine and just plain strange. I am in no way ungrateful but the situation was meant to be temporary as I thought I'd land a job by now and have a better footing to secure a place to live ....and it's almost November and I am in action around forwarding my business , but also interviewing and being clear that I need to have some stability...
I had some weird nights..
One of the most powerful ones was when I woke up at around 4 am...as I thought something loud dropped on the floor next to my night table...I was wide awake....like I never slept , I lay there and my mind was talking to me ..like voices in my head...it was saying it's okay to die now ....you are safe , it's not anything to be afraid of..and I asked am I dying tonight and it just kept repeating to me ..it's okay ...death almost feels like this moment where you can just leave and it's okay....I was weirdly scared and okay at the same time ..like "who the heck is talking to me...I peered towards the small corridor to the door to see if someone really walked in the room.....it was so pure and clear the voice....it was in the room and in my head.....I laid there for at least 45 mins. breathing heavily , thinking am I going to pass in my sleep tonight ..
( Now don't be weirded out by this , later the following day my astrologer / psychic friend said to me it was an actual corridor that you had access to that night , the planets in my charts were making a major planetary shift , something they haven't done in 2 yrs and you were majorly affected by it ....) Well whatever the heck that moment was , I was awake , alert and present to very powerful feelings.
Another incident was just my panic attacks at night ....I felt how worry can affect you , and how there were just moments of being in the room all day where I went into such stagnancy .....had to get out....
so I did...
next chapter to follow...