candles , sketching and wine...

it's friday night and I had dinner with girlfriend , I met doing yoga at Jivamukti...
she is a great spirit and we have such amazing conversations for what's happening in our lives , all laced with our love of truth , integrity and love ..
she is a generous spirit and loving soul.....
My last post put me out there , and I must say that I appreciate all the supportive notes that have been left , they are very inspiring and encouraging...
I want to also clarify that I set up this blog to be able to one day look back at this time and honor the journey and acknowledge the road already traveled. I also feel a bit exposed but it is not a time to let your pride run the show , I am present to my humanity , and my ability to see possibility even in this....and there are days.....there are days....

I sent my resume out today to Jones New York they are looking for people on all levels for several divisions ..... I also finished up the numbers in my business plan with all the start up costs and the strategy plan for sales and profit growth over the next 5 yrs. It is the road map for me for the next 5 yrs . How many dresses to design ,the costs etc...it is exciting and I get so inspired by it , like it becomes so real and scary at the same time...
I see it happening ....
night ..

F***

left the hotel on Tuesday, with so much pain , lost and feelings of failure . My daughter's pain on top of my own. She is ashamed and feeling homeless...
we are f*** ing homeless...!!!!
she is right to feel all that she is feeling..
and that is hard to take on ...
hard to absorb...
I am looking for places ..
and so far it's all about having the deposit and the credit check ....
Now..
I am temporarily staying with my long long time best friend and Ynes's godfather's place . Its cozy as heck, clean and neat, and filled with his generous heart....
I am grateful and clear this is very temporary and I am on a serious hunt, for both a job and sublet..
that's all I can say ..
this is what it looks like ..
Question to all who are reading this...
let me know you are
and how can I help my daughter ....
what can I say to her ........
if you have any advice please share..............
night

candles, wine , a juicey medi fest and good friends...

It's been awhile since I've last posted. This is a tough blog to write and put out there. I don't know what I was thinking at first. The last few weeks in the hotel were weird and fine and just plain strange. I am in no way ungrateful but the situation was meant to be temporary as I thought I'd land a job by now and have a better footing to secure a place to live ....and it's almost November and I am in action around forwarding my business , but also interviewing and being clear that I need to have some stability...
I had some weird nights..
One of the most powerful ones was when I woke up at around 4 am...as I thought something loud dropped on the floor next to my night table...I was wide awake....like I never slept , I lay there and my mind was talking to me ..like voices in my head...it was saying it's okay to die now ....you are safe , it's not anything to be afraid of..and I asked am I dying tonight and it just kept repeating to me ..it's okay ...death almost feels like this moment where you can just leave and it's okay....I was weirdly scared and okay at the same time ..like "who the heck is talking to me...I peered towards the small corridor to the door to see if someone really walked in the room.....it was so pure and clear the voice....it was in the room and in my head.....I laid there for at least 45 mins. breathing heavily , thinking am I going to pass in my sleep tonight ..
( Now don't be weirded out by this , later the following day my astrologer / psychic friend said to me it was an actual corridor that you had access to that night , the planets in my charts were making a major planetary shift , something they haven't done in 2 yrs and you were majorly affected by it ....) Well whatever the heck that moment was , I was awake , alert and present to very powerful feelings.
Another incident was just my panic attacks at night ....I felt how worry can affect you , and how there were just moments of being in the room all day where I went into such stagnancy .....had to get out....
so I did...
next chapter to follow...